Impossible Colloquialism
What's that?
I don't knnnnoooowwwww (zzzzzzzz...)
Snark snark
Hock hock
It sounded like an animal
very near the tent
I knew we should have rented a camper
Are you kidding?
Go back to sleep
Back to sleep?
I've never been asleep
I can't sleep with all these noises
and...and...there's another one
I hear it
Hear what?
A mosquito in here
slap-slap
Ralph, when I slapped
at the tent just now...
Yeah, what?
Well, there was no give to it
Whaddayamean?
There's something up against
our tent right outside
and I just slapped it
Oh Ralph, can't we just go
to a motel? Please!
If you're so worried
go out there and see for yourself
there's nothing, absolutely nothing
out there
And while you're out there
go in the car trunk and bring me
another beer
woodja honey?
What if there's a bear out there?
I'm telling you
there is no bear out there
Boo-WOW
he belched
gitcher posterior out there
my greatest love
Mergie in a gust of huge bravery
began to unzip the tent door
a freshet of cool night air
carressed her prickly face
Nothing
She peered into the darkness
and there apparently was nothing out there
She stepped gingerly over the tent
threshhold and stood outside
It was indeed a lovely lovely night
Oh Ralph
would you believe I just saw
a shooting star?
I did
Merg, wouldja just git the beer?
There's only a billion stars shooting
up 'ere, OK, Honey-buns?
Just git the beer
C'mon
There they were
Ralph and Mergatroyd
of Jersey City
in Yellowstone
who'da ever believed?
she thought
A wave of excitement swept
over her, and thinking Ralphie might be
watching from the tent
she did the old wiggle walk
for him
Unfortunately their idyllic
vacation as a joint venture
ended quickly for as Mergie
opened the trunk where their food
was stored out of harm's way
the bear she suddenly sensed was right behind her
actually was
and as Mergie was at her time of month
the giant grizzly
(for that was what it was)
made his first bite of her
her reproductive area
lower intestines and one buttock
Chucking the mouthful of human caviar
back and then snatching the picnic basket
from the trunk the giant ursula
took Mergie by the remaining buttock and dragged
his delectables into the woods
All the while Mergie was screaming
bloody murder
Ralph
from his bedroll in the tent
simply said
For Chrisake, Merg,
will you kindly bring me my beer?
You're not foolin me
Get your ass back in here
[dzd]
…………………………………………………………….
Many are called, Few are eaten
An entourage on four wheels waited
In line at the Yellowstone park entrance
For the ranger with his clipboard who
Spoke grimly to the would-be campers
In their tinned vehicles with lawn chairs
And bicycles lashed to the sides
In many ways we weren’t like them:
We were traveling light, the only way to go
We had a VW beetle with a pop-up
Canvas tent on top and two ten speeds
On a rack over the rear bumper
The back seat of the car was out
To make room for our six month vacation
Gear and space for Sally the Siamese cat
A mere speck we offered on that canvas
Of seriously-traveling metal units
Lined up to be admitted into
The nirvanic national treasure, Yellowstone
The Ranger had something serious to tell
All entering vehicle’s occupants
Something that caused most of the
Drivers to do U-turns and head out
With expressions of chagrine
Was the park closed?
We finally reached the number two position
At the Ranger’s shack and I got out
To hear what he was telling the vacationers
Ahead of us:
“Enter at your own risk!
Particularly any menstruating women!”
A grizzly bear had dispatched a woman
The night before by performing “A howlingly
Hungry, hurried historectomy
Hideously, horrifically, Honestly!”
Proclaimed the harried Ranger, who
Seemed over-taken with the letter H
That explained the U turns out of the park
But the man driving the camper ahead of us
Wondered if they wouldn’t be safe
In their mighty Winnebago
The Ranger stuck his fingernail behind
The camper’s door edge and said
“You see this? This is a grizzly claw
behind your door. He’ll peel it back with
no more effort than it takes to open
a can of sardines!”
“Oh,” said the man, and he did a Yooey
While his wife said, “And, you know I’m…”
But after hearing our own private warning
From the hellacious Ranger, we said
“We’re going in! Lower the drawbridge
As we are the Dixes!”
This was in August of 1972, and the Ranger
Didn’t know I had a break-down .22 Browning
Semi-automatic rifle but if he had known
He would have said, “Those little bullets
Will bounce right off a grizzly; no disrespect,
But you’re a fool!”
So we signed a warning acknowledgement
And deep within a wooded campground
Found a secluded site
And spent
A very watchful night
Encanvased atop our car
With me hoping I could shoot a bear
Exactly in the eye
[David Zep Dix]
…………………………………………………….
What's that?
I don't knnnnoooowwwww (zzzzzzzz...)
Snark snark
Hock hock
It sounded like an animal
very near the tent
I knew we should have rented a camper
Are you kidding?
Go back to sleep
Back to sleep?
I've never been asleep
I can't sleep with all these noises
and...and...there's another one
I hear it
Hear what?
A mosquito in here
slap-slap
Ralph, when I slapped
at the tent just now...
Yeah, what?
Well, there was no give to it
Whaddayamean?
There's something up against
our tent right outside
and I just slapped it
Oh Ralph, can't we just go
to a motel? Please!
If you're so worried
go out there and see for yourself
there's nothing, absolutely nothing
out there
And while you're out there
go in the car trunk and bring me
another beer
woodja honey?
What if there's a bear out there?
I'm telling you
there is no bear out there
Boo-WOW
he belched
gitcher posterior out there
my greatest love
Mergie in a gust of huge bravery
began to unzip the tent door
a freshet of cool night air
carressed her prickly face
Nothing
She peered into the darkness
and there apparently was nothing out there
She stepped gingerly over the tent
threshhold and stood outside
It was indeed a lovely lovely night
Oh Ralph
would you believe I just saw
a shooting star?
I did
Merg, wouldja just git the beer?
There's only a billion stars shooting
up 'ere, OK, Honey-buns?
Just git the beer
C'mon
There they were
Ralph and Mergatroyd
of Jersey City
in Yellowstone
who'da ever believed?
she thought
A wave of excitement swept
over her, and thinking Ralphie might be
watching from the tent
she did the old wiggle walk
for him
Unfortunately their idyllic
vacation as a joint venture
ended quickly for as Mergie
opened the trunk where their food
was stored out of harm's way
the bear she suddenly sensed was right behind her
actually was
and as Mergie was at her time of month
the giant grizzly
(for that was what it was)
made his first bite of her
her reproductive area
lower intestines and one buttock
Chucking the mouthful of human caviar
back and then snatching the picnic basket
from the trunk the giant ursula
took Mergie by the remaining buttock and dragged
his delectables into the woods
All the while Mergie was screaming
bloody murder
Ralph
from his bedroll in the tent
simply said
For Chrisake, Merg,
will you kindly bring me my beer?
You're not foolin me
Get your ass back in here
[dzd]
…………………………………………………………….
Many are called, Few are eaten
An entourage on four wheels waited
In line at the Yellowstone park entrance
For the ranger with his clipboard who
Spoke grimly to the would-be campers
In their tinned vehicles with lawn chairs
And bicycles lashed to the sides
In many ways we weren’t like them:
We were traveling light, the only way to go
We had a VW beetle with a pop-up
Canvas tent on top and two ten speeds
On a rack over the rear bumper
The back seat of the car was out
To make room for our six month vacation
Gear and space for Sally the Siamese cat
A mere speck we offered on that canvas
Of seriously-traveling metal units
Lined up to be admitted into
The nirvanic national treasure, Yellowstone
The Ranger had something serious to tell
All entering vehicle’s occupants
Something that caused most of the
Drivers to do U-turns and head out
With expressions of chagrine
Was the park closed?
We finally reached the number two position
At the Ranger’s shack and I got out
To hear what he was telling the vacationers
Ahead of us:
“Enter at your own risk!
Particularly any menstruating women!”
A grizzly bear had dispatched a woman
The night before by performing “A howlingly
Hungry, hurried historectomy
Hideously, horrifically, Honestly!”
Proclaimed the harried Ranger, who
Seemed over-taken with the letter H
That explained the U turns out of the park
But the man driving the camper ahead of us
Wondered if they wouldn’t be safe
In their mighty Winnebago
The Ranger stuck his fingernail behind
The camper’s door edge and said
“You see this? This is a grizzly claw
behind your door. He’ll peel it back with
no more effort than it takes to open
a can of sardines!”
“Oh,” said the man, and he did a Yooey
While his wife said, “And, you know I’m…”
But after hearing our own private warning
From the hellacious Ranger, we said
“We’re going in! Lower the drawbridge
As we are the Dixes!”
This was in August of 1972, and the Ranger
Didn’t know I had a break-down .22 Browning
Semi-automatic rifle but if he had known
He would have said, “Those little bullets
Will bounce right off a grizzly; no disrespect,
But you’re a fool!”
So we signed a warning acknowledgement
And deep within a wooded campground
Found a secluded site
And spent
A very watchful night
Encanvased atop our car
With me hoping I could shoot a bear
Exactly in the eye
[David Zep Dix]
…………………………………………………….
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