[Sewer Raccoon District, Waukesha, WI USA, Earth] Hurtling down through the heavens to a pinpoint landing on a manhole cover left ajar by the Waukesha Department of Public Works for the safe ingress and egress of the local sewer-habituating raccoons, a graven meteorite addressed to the sewer raccoon headquarters was delivered today.
The instructions rendered in a variation of sanskrit were as follows:
"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I have traveled far, traveled wide
from the land where the bong trees grow
to give these presents to YOU who may receive them &
~WITH GREETINGS~
to the advocates of the raccoonery about whom we have heard in our home far far away from you.
We wish to empower the Sewer Raccoon News publication with the
~THE ORDER OF THE GOLDEN RACCOON~
to re-dispense as you see fit to honorees at your discretion, and hereby and herewith bestow upon you
the full right and privilege of awarding GOLDEN RACCOON signets and seals, with the sole proviso
that you guard this award and do not give it out indiscriminatively.
The time will come when you will be widely known to be in possession of a spacial (non-sic) prize that will be much sought after. Therefore, it shall be incumbent upon you from the very beginning of your award service and empowerment to only, REPEAT: ONLY bestow the GOLDEN RACCOON award sparingly and after much forethought."
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