Monday, August 15, 2011

Tent for sale

Eureka dome, 2+ (wo)man, little used, like new, all parts are there

Impossible Colloquialism

What's that?

I don't knnnnoooowwwww (zzzzzzzz...)

Snark snark

Hock hock

It sounded like an animal

very near the tent

I knew we should have rented a camper

Are you kidding?

Go back to sleep

Back to sleep?

I've never been asleep

I can't sleep with all these noises

and...and...there's another one

I hear it

Hear what?

A mosquito in here


Ralph, when I slapped

at the tent just now...

Yeah, what?

Well, there was no give to it


There's something up against

our tent right outside

and I just slapped it

Oh Ralph, can't we just go

to a motel? Please!

If you're so worried

go out there and see for yourself

there's nothing, absolutely nothing

out there

And while you're out there

go in the car trunk and bring me

another beer

woodja honey?

What if there's a bear out there?

I'm telling you

there is no bear out there


he belched

gitcher posterior out there

my greatest love

Mergie in a gust of huge bravery

began to unzip the tent door

a freshet of cool night air

carressed her prickly face


She peered into the darkness

and there apparently was nothing out there

She stepped gingerly over the tent

threshhold and stood outside

It was indeed a lovely lovely night

Oh Ralph

would you believe I just saw

a shooting star?

I did

Merg, wouldja just git the beer?

There's only a billion stars shooting

up 'ere, OK, Honey-buns?

Just git the beer


There they were

Ralph and Mergatroyd

of Jersey City

in Yellowstone

who'da ever believed?

she thought

A wave of excitement swept

over her, and thinking Ralphie might be

watching from the tent

she did the old wiggle walk

for him

Unfortunately their idyllic

vacation as a joint venture

ended quickly for as Mergie

opened the trunk where their food

was stored out of harm's way

the bear she suddenly sensed was right behind her

actually was

and as Mergie was at her time of month

the giant grizzly

(for that was what it was)

made his first bite of her

her reproductive area

lower intestines and one buttock

Chucking the mouthful of human caviar

back and then snatching the picnic basket

from the trunk the giant ursula

took Mergie by the remaining buttock and dragged

his delectables into the woods

All the while Mergie was screaming

bloody murder


from his bedroll in the tent

simply said

For Chrisake, Merg,

will you kindly bring me my beer?

You're not foolin me

Get your ass back in here