Impossible Colloquialism
What's that?
I don't knnnnoooowwwww (zzzzzzzz...)
Snark snark
Hock hock
It sounded like an animal
very near the tent
I knew we should have rented a camper
Are you kidding?
Go back to sleep
Back to sleep?
I've never been asleep
I can't sleep with all these noises
and...and...there's another one
I hear it
Hear what?
A mosquito in here
slap-slap
Ralph, when I slapped
at the tent just now...
Yeah, what?
Well, there was no give to it
Whaddayamean?
There's something up against
our tent right outside
and I just slapped it
Oh Ralph, can't we just go
to a motel? Please!
If you're so worried
go out there and see for yourself
there's nothing, absolutely nothing
out there
And while you're out there
go in the car trunk and bring me
another beer
woodja honey?
What if there's a bear out there?
I'm telling you
there is no bear out there
Boo-WOW
he belched
gitcher posterior out there
my greatest love
Mergie in a gust of huge bravery
began to unzip the tent door
a freshet of cool night air
carressed her prickly face
Nothing
She peered into the darkness
and there apparently was nothing out there
She stepped gingerly over the tent
threshhold and stood outside
It was indeed a lovely lovely night
Oh Ralph
would you believe I just saw
a shooting star?
I did
Merg, wouldja just git the beer?
There's only a billion stars shooting
up 'ere, OK, Honey-buns?
Just git the beer
C'mon
There they were
Ralph and Mergatroyd
of
in
who'da ever believed?
she thought
A wave of excitement swept
over her, and thinking Ralphie might be
watching from the tent
she did the old wiggle walk
for him
Unfortunately their idyllic
vacation as a joint venture
ended quickly for as Mergie
opened the trunk where their food
was stored out of harm's way
the bear she suddenly sensed was right behind her
actually was
and as Mergie was at her time of month
the giant grizzly
(for that was what it was)
made his first bite of her
her reproductive area
lower intestines and one buttock
Chucking the mouthful of human caviar
back and then snatching the picnic basket
from the trunk the giant ursula
took Mergie by the remaining buttock and dragged
his delectables into the woods
All the while Mergie was screaming
bloody murder
Ralph
from his bedroll in the tent
simply said
For Chrisake, Merg,
will you kindly bring me my beer?
You're not foolin me
Get your ass back in here
.........
