FOR SOME, THIS WILL BE REVIEW:

WHAT IS A SEWER RACCOON?

A rash, an "outbreak" of Sewer Raccoons
continues in Waukesha;
another coon servant of the blind King Coon
living beneath the city in his improvised
throne room
was seen just last night emerging
from a storm grate

These audacious coons
are gentle burglars
serving their liege
by gathering items
from his regal shopping lists
usually under cover of darkness

They rove about furtively
which gives little strength to
the belief that they
are harmful

Good heavens
what's so bad about their
meager wants
- bits of broken glass
and bottle caps?

The king needs a royal cape
and what better way to adorn him
than with a discarded purple velvet
drapery sample and the colorful trash
found in our street gutters?

I say live in harmony with
our subterranean friends
and be amused, not scared,
when they tip-toe about
touching us

Sometimes, yes, they go beyond
their usual shyness
particularly at Halloween
when they gently reach a little ways

up pantlegs
and frighten children sufficiently
that they drop their sacks
of candy

Such pickings
should not be denied
the masked faux raiders
who do not poke guns
in anyone's back and say
"Stick-em UP!"

They come bearing
explicit shopping lists
from the King:
maybe a piece of metal
bent just so,
or a melon, or a piece
of pizza in the gutter

Nothing we're ever going to miss
No breaking and entering

- they can be mischievous -
no howls or shrieks
the raccoons are more afraid of us
than we are of them
except at Halloween

I say we welcome the raccoons
to our neighborhoods
Our streets are much cleaner
for their scavenging
Just imagine their King
and the cape he wears

Money cannot buy such
improvised elegance

TheKing,
so old he cannot walk
can no longer negotiate
the long sewer distances
from the throne room
cavern far below the
old downown post office
to the far-flung
street-level residential grates

In truth
he is blind
from too many years
of being kept in the dark

His crest may read
"Veritas Est Lux"
- Light, let there be more light -

I know the coons are
looking for a miner's
helmet for him

and

I know the problem of Halloween
out-and-out theft
would be cured by tying
strings around childrens' pantlegs

I'd even endorse a raccoon statue
along the Fox River
that flows close
to the old post office
our memorial ground

After all, we have riverside cement
and iron animals
- foxes, bears, dragon flies -
on our Riverwalk
let's elevate the lowly
sewer racoon

We are after all

kind.

[DD '07]


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