Waukesha Alert

Super-soaker slams region Twisters reported in seven counties, cars go floating as intersections flood, and torrents of storm water overwhelm sewers(Published 6/8/2008; Page A1)

STORMS DELUGE SEWER SYSTEM!

MANHOLE COVERS FLY FROM RUN-OFF PRESSURE

REPORTS OF SEWER RACCOONS PUSHING THEM ASIDE ARE RECEIVED

[Waukesha WI 6-8-08] Five to eight inches of heavy rain fell last night, causing the sewers under the city to overflow. The underground raccoon population, which normally seeks refuge from the United States of America in the sewers (as do all self-respecting urban raccoons throughout the nation while the Bush administration dwindlingly holds forth) are congregating high and dry, sometimes extra-carefully in trees, while the mighty Fox River carries away the flood waters and renews access to the mains.

In the past, this has taken some time. More rain is expected through the next three days. Meanwhile the SR News urges all citizenry to treat the coons kindly, as though they are visiting strangers, which they are not. Waukeshans have a certain propriety over their coons, a duty, especially felt by Christians who are charged with the feeding of society's (in this case, temporarily) poor.