1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference, who got his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class as a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies in public and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a rack in the hall. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger; then it hit me.
15. The sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his mother asked how he was, the nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults; practice safe sects.
Special correspondence from a twisted Californian
No comments:
Post a Comment